Thursday, August 5, 2010
Misanthropic Facebook observations
Your child does not represent you in your profile picture, or in a court of law.
You know those people who post things like "Life is so hard right now. Everything seems dark and I wish something would happen to turn on the lights and make everything ok."? Those people are always looking for a response from someone specific (via Joey Manley).
True fact: 94% of all pictures posted on Facebook include at least one person who regrets doing what they are depicted doing in the picture.
I do not care about your child's bowel movements, even if they occurred on the potty. Like that's some big accomplishment. I've done that for years and only have an accident 2 or 3 times a month. Tops.
If you're so bored you feel compelled to post about it, it's probably because you're spending too much time on Facebook.
It's weird that your siblings appear above your spouse in your profile info.
True fact: Dan Rather is the person responsible for deciding what qualifies as 'Top News.'
I will never repost this status message.
I'm pretty sure it is a violation of federal HIPPA privacy guidelines to post information about your medical condition on your wall.
We had a Farmville once. Then the rains stopped. We headed for Californie looking for work, but there was none to be found. Now we have a Hooverville.
True fact: No one has ever responded 'yes' to a Facebook event invitation.
I will wind up with fewer friends than I presently have as a result of this post.